I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pants are for mortals
Randomize