i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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