The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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