I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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