Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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