Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize