Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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