a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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