i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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