You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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