Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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