my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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