About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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