I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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