I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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