Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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