Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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