Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In America we eat man semen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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