come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize