Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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