im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize