Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize