yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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