I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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