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id be glad to
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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