He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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