i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize