Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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