I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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