I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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