he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize