he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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