I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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