Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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