his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize