no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Screwed.edu
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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