Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I touched a dick in church today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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