she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My bed smells like the plague
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize