pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish my penis had an off switch
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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