This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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