She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
not ubering you a puppy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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