dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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