I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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