Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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