he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize