Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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