I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize