wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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