im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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