I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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